I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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