I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
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