also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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