Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
