after a month anything with tits is on the radar
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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