the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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