he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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