she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
