Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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