TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
