alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
