3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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