Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
