i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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