her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
