I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
