Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
