Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize