Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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