my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
