why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
