she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
