Can Purell be used as lube?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize