life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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