I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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