I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
