its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
