i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
