We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
