she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
