Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Randomize
