Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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