bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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