Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
