Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
