I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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