I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
