just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
