Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
