it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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