I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
