we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
