She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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