i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
