just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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