Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
