Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
