Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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