just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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