A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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