2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
