It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
