this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
