She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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