you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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