I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
