love makes seman taste better
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
