Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
