Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
