Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize