He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
This is my life. Enjoy the view
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
