I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize