I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
