You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
