forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
