I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
