Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Randomize