i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
