Apparently you make a good broom.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
