My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
