We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize