Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Thank you for not boning my boss.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
