remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
