proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
