my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
