I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
