Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
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