So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
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