pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
