let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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