You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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