thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
