if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize