Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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