Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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