i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
