Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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