i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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