i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
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