I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
vagina is talking i cant
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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