my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
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