does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
