the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
