So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
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