After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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