If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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