morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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