Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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