why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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